Step 1: Think of an embarrassing memory
Think of a time in the past that caused you moderate embarrassment and which still makes you feel embarrassed or uncomfortable thinking about it now. (Stay away from any serious traumas.) It might be someone saying something to you, or it might be a time when you made a mistake that you were embarrassed about.
Check that what you’ve chosen feels OK to work on by yourself. If it feels unduly uncomfortable, stop and find something milder.
Step 2: Take a rating
Notice how you feel right now as you remember that incident. Rate how intense you feel:
Zero means there is no embarrassment at all.
10 means extreme embarrassment – the worst it could possibly be.
Write your number down.
If your rating is zero, pick another example that gives you a rating of at least 3.
Also write down any physical sensations you may be aware of. People vary widely in how they experience their emotions and there’s nothing right or wrong about any particular type of feeling – just get familiar with what’s typical for you.
Some people find it quite hard to feel their feelings and give an intensity rating. I have encountered a few clients like this, but we were still able to successfully use EFT, by paying attention to their thoughts instead of their feelings. If you are like this then make a note of what dominant thought is around when you think about the incident, such as “That man was really rude” or “I’ve never been so embarrassed”.
If you really can’t feel any intensity at all, check whether you are actually already ‘clear’ for this memory (i.e. although it was embarrassing at the time it brings up no negative feelings to think about it now). If you cannot feel any noticeable intensity, find another memory which does bring up some feelings.
Step 3: Do the EFT sequence
Tap the Side of Hand point and say the following three times:
“Even though I have this embarrassed feeling, I completely accept myself.”
Now tap each of the EFT points, saying a Reminder Phrase on each point:
| Top of Head: Eyebrow: Side of Eye: Under Eye: Under Nose: Chin: Collarbone: Under Arm: Thumb: Index Finger: Middle Finger: Little Finger: Side of Hand: Back of Hand: | “This embarrassment” “This embarrassment” “This embarrassment” “This embarrassment” “This embarrassment” “This embarrassment” “This embarrassment” “This embarrassment” “This embarrassment” “This embarrassment” “This embarrassment” “This embarrassment” “This embarrassment” “This embarrassment” |
Step 4: Think about the memory again
Now think about the incident again. Make sure it is the same memory as before. If you notice that you are now thinking about something else, make yourself go back and focus on the original memory.
Notice what you are feeling now, and any bodily sensations going along with it.
Step 5: Take a new rating
Using the same 0-10 scale as above, focus on the memory and rate how embarrassed you feel right now.
Write this new number down.
Step 6: Decide whether to do more EFT
Your new rating will either be lower than your first one, higher than your first one, or just the same.
If it is zero you have finished this exercise – EFT has cleared your embarrassment.
If it is lower, but still greater than zero, we do EFT again to help bring the rating down further.
Occasionally an intensity rating can go up initially as a result of focusing on the issue. This can be a sign that you were not as tuned into the issue as you could have been at the start and that you got more tuned in as a result of repeating the setup and reminder phrases. This is actually quite common and does not mean that you are doing it wrong or that EFT is not working. If this is the case then repeated sequences of EFT will normally bring the levels down again.
If your rating is above zero, do another sequence of EFT as follows:
Tap the Side of Hand and say three times:
“Even though I still have this embarrassment, I completely accept myself.”
Now tap each of the EFT points in turn saying the Reminder Phrase on each point as below:
| Top of Head: Eyebrow: Side of Eye: Under Eye: Under Nose: Chin: Collarbone: Under Arm: Thumb: Index Finger: Middle Finger: Little Finger: Side of Hand: Back of Hand: | “Still have this embarrassment” “Still have this embarrassment” “Still have this embarrassment” “Still have this embarrassment” “Still have this embarrassment” “Still have this embarrassment” “Still have this embarrassment” “Still have this embarrassment” “Still have this embarrassment” “Still have this embarrassment” “Still have this embarrassment” “Still have this embarrassment” “Still have this embarrassment” “Still have this embarrassment” |
Step 7: Take another rating
Go back to the incident again in your mind, making sure it is the same incident you started with.
Notice how much embarrassment you feel right now, using the same 0-10 scale above. Scan your body for physical sensations to help make sure you are focusing on how you feel right at this moment.
Write down the new number and note any physical feelings.
By now you should hopefully have seen a fall in your rating. But there are many other signs that EFT is working. These are listed in the last section of this tutorial – Signs That EFT is Working.
While EFT can often produce noticeable results in one or two sequences, this doesn’t always happen by any means and it’s quite normal to need to do a few sequences before getting down to a zero or an acceptably low number.